This election more than any other election I can think of since I started voting seems to scream “Who’s the least awful candidate?” That’s a horrible reason to vote for someone. It should be about who the best candidate is.
Every time I watch one of the debates I think of this scene from the criminally underrated movie “Thank You for Smoking”.
Seriously. It’s brilliant.
I don’t want to vote that way anymore. I want a better candidate.
Which is why I’m announcing my intentions to run for president of these United States of America.
Instead of attacking my opponents, I simply will share with you my (along with my potential V.P. candidate – Rick Grimes) platform and allow you, the ever optimistic Internet, to run with it from there.
When I’m elected your (nerd) president I will…
Make sure that the team behind Arrested Development has everything they need to make more episodes or a movie.
Ensure all conversations (one on one or group and especially those conversations shared over a meal) shall be conducted WITHOUT a cell phone. The most important person who deserves your attention is the one sitting across from you, not the one on your phone.
Make it a decree that every conversation should start with a smile, handshake and a compliment.
Eliminate the DC Universe except for Batman, Joker, Bane, Green Lantern, Sinestro, and Superman who will all be seamlessly integrated into the Marvel Universe.
Encourage everyone to read more. Books are a gift from God.
Create a physical book revival because there’s few things as great as smelling and holding a book or hearing the sound of the highlighter drag across the page.
Task every scientist not currently working on a cure for cancer to create a Qdoba quseo burrito that is under 300 calories and has all the flavor of a regular 1000 calorie queso burrito.
Give free Biblical literacy courses to all. It’s the greatest of all books with the greatest of all stories yet too many churches I attend now as a guest speaker when I encourage people to open their Bibles I don’t see anyone do it or hear the sound of pages turning. I also don’t see many faces backlit from their phone screens. They’ve become dependent on us putting the verses on the wall instead of reading for themselves.
Encourage everyone to create more. We’d be a lot less likely to be a hater if we spent more time in the creative process ourselves. God wired us to create, not hate.
Reach across the aisle and make Playstation fans and XBOX fans realize that being a gamer in 2016 is awesome. There’s no reason to not get along.
Bring back the age of the sermon. It’s become sad to see how people consume sermons like they’re just another half hour block of media. It’s the very Word of God, let’s give it the room in our lives it deserves.
End the age of prosperity gospel and using the Bible to fear those who aren’t the same as us. From what I can tell, we all need Jesus. Those who attend church aren’t any better than those who don’t.
Usher in a new age in church music. One where every band leader doesn’t try to sing like he’s the Australian frontman from Hillsong. The word is pronounced “YOU” not “YUH!”
Most importantly, I’d do everything I could to usher in a time where followers of Jesus would be best known by what they stand for and not what they’re against. Where Christians would love the Scriptures and to do what they actually said not what they think they say or have been told they say from third party sources with obvious agendas. Where we Christians could admit and apologize for getting so much wrong in the way we’ve treated others and start making it right. Where Christians would be known by their love (as Jesus said we would be known) instead of far-right political affiliations. Where those who profess Christ as Lord would step up and help the hurting, the lost, the lonely, the marginalized and the outcast. Where Christians would remember before Christ they too were all of those things and more and that the only difference is now they have a better sense of direction thanks to the Savior. And where those who sincerely want to follow Jesus would assume a posture of humility, submission, and reverence to his lordship instead of trying to bend him to follow our lead.
I’m Adam Lockhart (the Nerd Pastor) and I approve this message.